Nearly a year ago...

It's sort of surreal to think it's already (ONLY!?) been a year since Sierra's diagnosis. It was October 21st, two days after our return from magical Kauai with a skinny, tired, ill little peanut on our hands.

What a difference a year can make, hm? Now she's filled back out, has the energy of a marathon runner, and can even do her own finger pokes (when we let her, which we do).

I've learned about the ups and downs of diabetes. Of literal, constant, change. I've learned more about sugars, carbs, and how your body uses them than I frankly ever cared to know. I can eyeball a helping of _____ and pretty accurately accrue the carb count just by sight. I can change a pump set on a wiggly, uncomfortable and scared toddler. I've learned about battling insurance companies, and sometimes winning. I know now how to be hopeful and defeated at the same time and really be ok with that.

I can see what diabetes is, and what it isn't.

A year ago I could not do any of those things, and I never dreamed that I'd have to. This 'anniversary' is bitter sweet. We have come so far, our girl is hanging strong and learning more every day about what she's living with and will live with until a cure is hopefully found. She is strong, she is healthy, she is growing and amazing. At the same time, it's only been a year and it feels like a decade sometimes. That's the bitter part. Ever changing, always on your toes, awake every night (I love that I really thought I'd be able to only get up for a few months until 'things evened out' - her night numbers are almost always the most unpredictable no matter what we do!), trying to stay a step ahead of this amazingly random and insufferable disease despite it's best efforts (often winning efforts) to fool you once more.

She will be fine. She will struggle. She will be (better be!) responsible. She will sometimes fall down and need to be picked back up. She will just be another person, with another thing, and she will learn just as I have.

And of course, I wish she didn't have to.

But this was the hand we were dealt.

One year ago today I was on an airplane leaving an awesome vacation about to be gut-punched in the worse way two days later.

One year later we're all stronger, and we're always doing our best.

One year later - we're off of the shots, onto a pump, hopefully with a CGM on the way.

I hope that in 10 years I can say some magic system is in place that makes everything we're doing now seem positively archaic. I hope that 10 years from now, Sierra may NOT need to learn *everything* I've learned, only the things that are necessary. Meaning I hope a lot of what we do will no longer be necessary.

This is a long road... to the end really, and I know she'll be a strong person for it. That's the way of character building, isn't it? You generally find yourself during the harder times than the easy times. I just have to trust that what we do for her will build her confidence, her comfort, and her respect for herself enough to matter and effectively show her that taking care of herself and staying healthy really is more important than most other things.

We'll be entering Kinder next year, and I know the real world and the beginning of real social interaction and new situations are going to become more apparent. I think we have a few more years before her genuine self awareness with diabetes may come into play.

I'm glad we have more time. I don't think I'm ready!

But I will be.

To those that follow us here despite my randomly spaced updates - thank you. It's been almost an entire year, and we just keep looking ahead.